The Shelter/List of Episodes/1-16: Pantless in Seattle
Pantless in Seattle is the 16th Shelter episode of the first season, and by far the most controversial. The episode was censored in many countries and in many was only played during the adult swim or released on the DVD box set. It is controversial because of its plot's heavy amounts of underage drinking, drug usage, sexual content, and insults to several countries. Sypnosis After the gang is made aware that their Shelter is technically not on U.S. soil, they decide to take advantage of that and go legally get a drink at a bar. Moch, Ace, and Faves all go with JS as their designated driver, and get drunk out of their minds, to the point where JS can't handle them at all. JS gets so fed up with them that he snaps out of his chill demeanor and ditches them, which leads to the trio waking up naked, in Seattle, hungover, and on the run from cops, without any knowledge of how or why they ended up there. Transcript ~The episode opens on the Shelter on April 15th, or Tax Day in the United States~ Moch: (wakes up) Oh, the beginning of a beautiful day- OH SHIT IT’S TAX DAY. (Moch woke everyone up and rushed them to finish the tax forms before the bank closes) Moch: So, do we have any kids? Ace: Um, no?! Moch: Too late, I already bluffed and wrote 7. I'M RUSING, OKAY! (Moch rushedly fills out all forms and shoves them into a folder and rushes off to the bank) Moch: Guys, are we too late? I waited until the last second again and- Bank Dude: No, no. (takes folder) Wait a minute, is this your address? You guys don’t have to pay taxes, you technically don’t live on U.S. property. Moch: Wait, what? Bank Dude: Back in 1776, someone accidentally filed a piece of land to own in the “Unted States of America”, a misspelled “United States of America”, and since the United States were still fresh and unknown to many, it was legally made a different country. Years later that farm is gone, and you guys live there now. Congratulations on your own small country. Moch: ...guys, I know what we’re gonna do today. ACF: We’re gonna make our laws? Moch: Yep! Step 1… ~Cuts to Moch and Ace opening a casino beside the Shelter~ Moch: Finally, easy finance! Let's scam some chumps and use the money to buy me amiibo! ACF: I...Guess this will work. Moch: Step 2… ~Cuts to Moch and Ace marrying a long line of gay couples~ Moch: Take that, bordering American homophobic states! ACF: Hell yes, US Congress can suck our a- Moch: Step 3… ~Cuts to Moch at a UN meeting, mooning all of the world leaders~ Moch: FUCK OFF, WORLD! OUR COUNTRY IS GREAT AND YOURS IS AWFUL! Moch: Okay, I’m done. Anything else we should do with our newfound countryship? ACF: Hmm, well we could, like, maybe consider making an army since you just pissed off a bunch of world leaders. ...Orrrr we could celebrate our new countryship by throwing a party. Moch: Ooo, a party. I like that thinking. ~Cuts to Moch, Ace, Faves, and JS walking into a bar, flashing their Shelterland I.D.s to the guard~ Moch: We’re in. I can FEEL the adultness. JS: I’ve become an adult just by standing in here, that’s how adult it is! Moch: Holy crap, me too! Bartender, I’ll take two wines please! Then two beers. ACF: Whoa Moch, that’s a lot of alcohol. You’re gonna get drunk off your ass... JS: Come on ACF, take a walk on the wild side. Bartender, I’ll have… A MILK. CHOCOLATE. Moch: Jesus JS, you can’t just drink that on TV. JS: I will, I’m gonna drink the whole thing Faves: You know what, bring it on. Three beers, I don't give a shit. Moch: Oh yeah, make that FOUR! ACF: ...Fuck it, I’m always up for a competition anyway, MAKE THAT FIVE! Moch: SIX! Faves: Seven. JS: I’m still waiting for my milk lmao ACF: EIGHT WITH ADDED WINE! ~A fair amount of time later~ (everyone is laying on the floor, moaning) Moch: (with slurred speech) Wow, I am WASTED! I’ll have my other 7 beers now, please. Faves: Y'all ever realize... how hard it is for me to get up jesus... jesus fuck. ACF: (slurred speech as well) I want….Another beer. Or maybe some sleep. ...Nah I want another. *gets another glass* Thanks. Moch: Oh wow Faves, I ne-never realized how… SEXY you are. Faves: (looks Moch straight in eye) Moch… (long, awkward silence that goes on for longer then it should) ...what the fuck. Eh, fuck it... let's... let's fuck. (Moch and Faves start making out when JS intervenes) JS: Woah guys, I think y’all should chill with a chocolate milk. Moch: NO!!! Faves: Why tho JS: Because chocolate milk is good. ACF: Naaaaaah. This stuff is just- *hiccup* GREATASTIC! JS: Wow, maybe you guys should go home. Don’t worry guys, I’ll drive us home. The only thing I’m drunk on is strong bones. ACF: Nerd. (JS tries to herd the squad into the car like a parent with tired kids because JS is daddy ;););)) (JS drives the car through the city back to the Shelter as the others badger him) Moch: I wanna fuck an amiibo, you feel me right? I’ve always wanted to- *hic* Faves: You ever noticed that glass is, like... a normal thing... but it can also kill you? (another overly long silence) I think it’s cool. I wonder what would... what it would be like... to have amiibo for fuckin... I don't know. But amiibo, man... ACF: God I want to sleep buT YALL ARE TAKING UP SPACE! (Everyone keeps talking and shouting continually and the camera pans on JS, trying to keep his chill demeanor but getting continually more annoyed) Moch: (notices an appliance store out the window) Can we stop so I can fuck that sexy toaster? JS: No, we don’t have- (turns around and sees door already open, with Moch long gone) ACF: (to Faves) I bet you ten bucks he’s already put his dick in it. Faves: Haha yeah JS: Alright guys, I GIVE UP! Just, get out of my car, I’ll send a taxi or something. JUST LET ME FINISH MY CHOCOLATE MILK IN PEACE! (pushes them out and drives out) ACF: Dammit. Wanna- *hic* Wanna go find Moch now orrrr… Faves: Noo its fiiine. You want some more alcohol, I smuggled it out of the bar. (pulls out a giant keg) ACF: I don’t know, I’m drunk enough- ….Is that Jack Daniels. Faves: I…(tastes it)...I guess. I'm only 14... how the hell... how should I know ACF: I don't care I'll take it. Moch: (walks out of appliance store, toaster hanging on his crotch, screaming) AAAAAA IT BURNS- oh look beer. (sips a bunch) AAAAA IT BURNS (keeps drinking some) mmm thats good and- AAA IT BURNS ACF: HA! YOU OWN ME TEN BUCKS, FAVES! *proceeds to take the keg and drink it* (ACF, Faves, and Moch continue to drink from that keg, and the scene continually speeds up into a time lapse of them drinking it all, until the screen goes black) (Scene cuts to ACF waking up in an alleyway) ACF: Uggggh. What the fuck did I do last night- *sees the bottles of alcohol lying around them* Shhhhhhhiiiiiit. Shit fuck. I got drunk. Fuuuuuck. (Moch and Faves wake up next to her in blanket together) Moch: Oh man, I had this awful dream that I got drunk and had sex with Faves. Faves: Me too, except I had sex with you obviously. Well that alcohol fucked myself over but that's something entirely different... Moch: Huh. What a funny coincidence. ACF: Uhhh...I think you guys did fuck. I recall a lot of moaning and me telling you guys to shut it. Moch: Pffft, that’s just the alcohol talking. Let’s leave it up to the viewers. ACF: Yeah okay. Where the hell are we anyway? (the 3 get up and walk out of the alleyway) ACF: Uh….This isnt the town near the Shelter…. Moch: (sniffs) Hmm, wet, generally trashy, I think I smell a boat. We must be in Seattle! Faves: That explains that needle that’s right there. (points at the Space Needle which is just out of shot) ACF: Huh. ...I don’t recall getting here. Moch: I don’t recall anything from last night. Where are my clothes? ACF: I thought they were back at the alley? Moch: And why is my penis so toasty right now? I mean, more toasty then usual. Faves: Let’s look for a way out of here. (Puts on underwear) Come on, guys. (Moch, ACF, and Faves walk out. Moch is naked, but things like leaves, cars, and random objects happening to go by block their penises.) Moch: Wow, shouldn’t we find clothes? Faves: Nah, Seattle is so awful that they don’t even have public indecency laws like requiring clothes. And stuff is probably gonna cover up your dick anyway. (right after Faves says this, nothing blocks their pees as they walk by, and they even walk behind a hedge that covers their entire bodies but their penis.) ACF: Wow, how absolutely convenient that a hedge would block everything but your dick. Moch: Wow, that's the reverse of usual. ACF: Ha, the censors gonna have a field day with this episode. Drunk off their asses minors, *starts laughing* dicks in toasters- Moch: What- ACF: *still laughing* It wasn’t yours! Totally not yours. Faves: Guys look, that guy’s selling a magical dust that's probably totally not cocaine! Magical Dust Salesman: Hey guys, want this magical dust! One sniff and you can see the ENTIRE UNIVERSE AT ONCE, even the inside of your own subconciousness! Moch: Hmm, maybe we can use this to figure out how we got here! And how we can get back! Faves: And how I have this tattoo of Guy Fieri on my back. Moch: You always had that. Faves: Oh yeah... well what about this one of Goku? Moch: That one's new. ACF: And maybe we can find out how much we fucked up… (a bunch of cop cars come out of nowhere and cops pile out) Cops: Freeze right there, scumbags! Moch: What? Cops: You are under arrest for crimes against humanity. ACF: Oh fuck. Faves: Jesus christ, what did we do in real life? Moch: (to Magical Dust Salesman) So, is this dust one of those “an hour in the mind in one sec in real life” things? Magical Dust Salesman: Yep. Moch: HIT US WITH SOME! (Moch grabs some and him, Faves, and ACF suck it in at the same time. Just as they do, humanity around them crumbles and the three enter their subconsciousness’s) (The three separately fall in as trippy, creepy, orchestral music starts playing in the background.) ~meanwhile in the JS subplot~ (JS is sitting at the Shelter and he’s doing nothing) JS: wow it sure is boring doing nothing. and it’s pretty weird that the others haven’t come home yet. I should go find them (JS goes off to find them) ~meanwhile, in Moch’s trippy subconcious~ (Moch falls into a slide that slides through a highly realistic space area, and it eventually leads into a giant toaster. Inside the toaster, Moch falls into a vortex of dicks and it leads to a creepy, 6-dimensional room with stairs and rooms all over the ceilings and walls.) Moch: Um, can I please see my memories? Specifically what happened last night? (A large, booming voice of Shulk talks back) Shulk’s Voice: Yes, but first you must face the three trials of the mind! First, you must get stabbed by the really big knife! (Moch gets stabbed by a really big knife and screams with it in for almost 30 seconds, making an overly long gag until the knife is pulled out and the wound is gone.) Moch: That wasn't so bad. Shulk’s Voice: Now, the other knife trial. (Moch gets stabbed for 30 seconds again, screaming for almost 30 seconds again.) Moch: Okay, lemme guess, knife trial? Shulk’s Voice: Actually no. Moch: Really? Shulk’s Voice: Just kidding. (Moch gets stabbed again, and the knife is pulled out a bit quicker this time.) Moch: Jeez, what's with the stabbing? Shulk's Voice: Dude, it's your mind. Moch: ....oh my god, I'm fucked up. ~Meanwhile, in ACF’s subconscious~ (ACF falls through some floors in trippy colors while screaming until they finally land on solid ground) ACF: Ugh, that was nice. Now to find my memories... (ACF starts walking in a long hallway that's similiar to the Shelter's with many doors marked with different things, such as “HOPES AND DREAMS”, “WORST FEARS COME TRUE”, “DAYDREAMS”, etc.) ACF: Man I wanna check some of these out. What's in here... *opens the door marked "BOB'S GREATEST HITS"* *inside, a slightly younger Bob and ACF are at a park talking* Past Bob: Please, I can break the rules and shit. See this sign here that says, "Do Not Step on Grass"? Past ACF: Yeahhh? Past Bob: I'm gonna step on the grass. (they both continue to stand where they are) Past ACF: Are you going to step on the grass dude? Past Bob: Yes. ...Maybe. Uhh actually I don't wanna do it anymore. Past ACF: Oh my god Bob, it's just grass. Look I'll do it right now- Past Bob: ACF DON'T! ACF: Yeah okay. *closes door* That was funny but where the memory door....Oh, here’s the door. (she opens a door marked “ALL MEMORIES (KNOWN AND UNKNOWN)” and finds…) ACF: OH COME ON, MORE DOORS??! (starts walking) This is gonna take- Oh here it is. (ACF comes across a door marked “WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU GOT DRUNK”) ~Meanwhile in Faves’ mind~ (Faves is silently walking through his subconciousness. The walls of his are coated with different video game consoles and box cases, NES Remix-esque sprites fly through his subconcious at random. Random music from Super Smash Bros 4 plays in the background.) Faves: This is weird... but kind of expected. Where’s my memories, mind? Smash 4 Announcer Voice: YOUR MINDS ARE… THIS WAY. (giant glowing sign appears, pointing at door) Faves: That's... oddly convenient. But thanks anyways. Smash announcer: YOU'RE WELCOME Faves: (Enters the room to find Level 1 of Super Mario 64) Goddamnit. Smash Announcer: YOUR MEMORIES WILL COME TO YOU AFTER YOU COLLECT ALL THE STARS Faves: Even the 100-coin one? Smash Announcer: YES Faves: Fuck. ~Meanwhile in JS’s sober subconscious, a soberconscious if you will~ RICK: The world is full of idiots who don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Morty. But if ya stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and you're gonna be part of 'em, and together we're gonna run around, Morty. We're gonna... do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty... we're the only.... friends we've got, Morty! It's just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures, Morty.. RICK AND MORTY FOREVER AND FOREVER A HUNDRED YEARS Rick and Morty.. some...things.. Me and Rick and Morty runnin' around and... Rick and Morty time... a- all day long forever.. all a - a hundred days Rick and Morty! forever a hundred times.... OVER and over Rick and Morty... adventures dot com.. W W W dot at Rick and Morty dot com w..w..w... Rick and Morty adventures.. ah- hundred years..... every minute Rick and Morty dot com.... w w w a hundred times... Rick and Morty dot com....... ~Meanwhile in JS’s subplot~ JS: *driving* omg I love rick and morty season 2 premieres next month on adult swim in its regular time slot it’s just rick and morty doing rick and morty stuff for 10 episodes 10 episodes of rick and morty 22 minutes each of each of 10 episodes of rick and morty at its regular time slot on sunday nights on adult swim of season 2 of rick and morty ~Meanwhile, back in Fave’s, Moch’s, and ACF’s memories~ (The scene fades to the last night, with Moch, ACF, and Faves finishing their keg of beer.) Moch: So, what do we do- AAA THE BURNING -now? Faves: We need more money… so h-how about we rob a casino? ACF: W-works for me. I wanna fight some security guards. (It cuts to Moch, ACF, and Faves running into a casino and running out with some cash.) Moch: Quick, take off your clothes to make yourself lighter! Faves: Moch wh- Moch: Just do it! (Moch threw off his clothes while ACF was too busy holding cash to do that) ACF: So, let’s go buy beer! And maybe some amiibo... Moch: B-but the cops! I think they wanna see me naked or something because there’s so many coming here! Faves: We should escape first! To the airport! (Cuts to Moch, ACF, and Faves at a tattoo parlor, getting Faves a Goku tattoo) Faves: Wait a minute, this isn’t an airport! ACF: FUCK (Cuts to Moch, ACF, and Faves at a real airport) Moch: We need tickets to a place that’s t-terrible that nobody would want to go to. Airport Guy: Three tickets for Seattle, right here. (the three fly off in an airplane, and the scene cuts to them getting off) Moch: W-wow, being on that airplane sure made me horny. Faves: Let’s fuck! (Faves jumps onto Moch and they land in an alleyway, and ACF just collapses next to them) ~Back in Faves, Moch’s, and ACF’s subconciousnesses, which are now collided because of them watching the same memories~ Moch, Faves, and ACF: Oooh, so that’s what happened. ACF: Alright so we know what happened to us. Now what? Moch: Wait a minute, it’s been an hour since we used that powder. Doesn’t that mean- ~Moch, Faves, and ACF reappear in the real world with cops still surrounding them~ Moch: Oooooh, so it’s because of the casino. Cops: You’re going to jail, asshats! ACF: We could do that, or we could- OH SHIT SOMEONE HAS A CAMERA! Cops: WHERE?! (look around) Moch: RUUUUUUUN! (Moch, ACF, and Faves run as far as they can and hide in an alley) Moch: Oh god, what are we gonna- hold on, my phone is ringing. Faves: How do you have your pho- JESUS FUCK MOCH WHY- Moch: *picks it up* Hello? Comp: (back at home) You guys won’t believe it! Somebody ROBBED Shelter Casino! We lost ALL of our money! ACF: Gee, I wonder who did that. Faves: Wait, is it illegal to rob your own casino? Moch: Hold on, let me check. Faves: But- wha- MOCH NO- Moch: Technically, no. Not in our country OR the U.S. Hey cops, I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY! Cops: What, punk? ~Meanwhile, at JS’s subplot that takes place in a car~ JS: oh boy I can’t wait to see how much money Adult Swim deposited in my bank account after advertising rick and morty for them I’m gonna check out the bank (JS tries to go to the bank but there’s some commotion going on near the bank with a bunch of police and a couple of nude guys and a fully clothed lad) JS: wow look at that that’s interesting Moch: Look, it’s JS! JS: wow it’s moch. I didn’t imagine his ding-dong being that size Moch: I think it was the toaster that shrunk it. Faves: No, it's always been short. Moch: okay fuck you faves ACF: *mutters* I still want that ten bucks. Moch: So, how’d you get to Seattle. JS: I don’t know, I think it just sorta happened while I was going on about what a GREAT show Rick and Morty is we should all watch rick and morty season 2 this July for ten episodes Moch: Pfft, what a sell out. (Moch pulls out a can of Coca-Cola™ and takes a huge sip) Now that is some delicious Coca-Cola™. ACF: Yeah, and you can get it at your local stores after this episode! (wink at camera) Cops: So, you guys can go, I guess. If you robbed your own casino. Moch: Great! So JS, you didn’t happen to bring any clothes, right? JS: Clothes? Of course not! (gets out of car, revealing to be fully nude as well) I drove here naked! ACF: That’s great, but I really want to go home. Faves: Same. Seattle really is awful. (the three walk into the car and head home) Moch: So, I’m assuming all the money was stolen, right? JS: Oh yeah, Comp said that it was all gone. They even had to shut down the casino! And the marriage counsel. It’s literally back to just a Shelter again. God I love the status quo. ACF: *sighs* Great. (beat) Moch: I'm up for some chocolate milk now, though. ~Episode ends~ Credits Gag (Moch, Faves, ACF, and JS are in the car and they drive by the alley where JS first ditched them) Faves: Look, it’s that alley where JS ditched us. JS: Sorry about that, by the way. ACF: Sorry about being that awfully drunk, too. (Moch, Faves, and ACF get out of the car and look at the empty keg still on the floor) Moch: Yep, some quality- (Moch turns the keg and sees on the back that it is non-alcoholic beer) Moch: -NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER. JS: Wow, guess all that drunkness was all in you guys’s heads. ACF: Fucking hell. Faves: Wait, so we, like, fucked each other voluntarily? Moch: I guess? Faves: ...eh, whatever. ~ending jingle plays~ Category:The Shelter Category:Episodes